All about the Truth

I'm not quite sure where this is going to go. I'm just feeling moved to write something so if you are reading this, I'm sorry. I'm literally just vomiting up all that's inside me. It's been some time since I posted anything. Actually, the last post was, I guess, considered controversial. Let me be the first to say, I don't seek controversy. That is not what I'm about. I don't seek to argue or debate. That is not my nature. I will tell you this though. I seek truth. I am all about it. Truth is at the core of my nature. I say that because I always want my posts to be completely reflective of the Truth that I live my life by. Nothing else is really important. I could blog about politics or sports, both of which I follow, but neither of them is at the core of my nature. They don't hold the importance in my life like the truth that comes from God. What I'm getting at here is nothing else matters except exemplifying Him by who's mercy and grace that I am saved.

So, it has been a tough two years. Lots of changes. I don't particularly enjoy changes, so to have lots proves to be problematic for me. After deciding to resign my pastoral position and pursue missions, I thought things were going to turn out differently. I had made all these plans that I thought for sure were the correct ones. Hindsight being 20/20 I made a lot of plans and they were mostly the wrong ones. During the course of everything I didn't handle failures, rejections or negativity well. I actually handled it worse then I even believed myself to be capable of. I had preached for years on  how to deal with certain situations and for the first time in my Christian walk I was dealing with the situations and dealing with them all wrong. In fact instead of turning towards God, I was turning away from Him.

I began questioning lots of things. Did He exist? Does He really care about us? Why is all of this happening to me? It was one big giant pity party and in the midst of it all I was bringing my family down with me. There were flickers of hope along the way. Something good would happen and I would jump back on the Jesus band wagon. Even led some Bible studies during this period. Looking back it was all just a facade. I wasn't completely buying in to what I was saying. After all, I had been groomed to always have it together so that's the appearance I gave.

Now for a little back story. The changes going on that rocked my world started with my mentor and senior pastor getting sick and eventually going Home. To me that was the beginning of a long 3 year process that would change everything for me. After he got sick everything was down hill. Church leadership began changing and doing things I didn't agree with. I felt I wasn't being treated fairly behind the scenes and was constantly under scrutiny by people. I began feeling like I could never do anything right. I felt that my position was viewed as a glorified babysitter and all people wanted was for lots of kids to be showing up. And most of all I began feeling that I was failing the youth that I had been entrusted with by God. By the end of my time I had completely burned out and could not wait to be done. This had nothing to do with my ministry and the kids. I loved that. It was the politics of church. I couldn't deal with it anymore and I needed to get away.

I think looking back and realizing how I handled things didn't help my struggles. A lot of the times I was part of the problem. I didn't handle things like I should have. I would see injustices and wouldn't speak up the way I should or I would react in a way that made the situation worse. By the time I was done I was just hanging on to everything and it seemed like no one cared. I was leaving and that was fine. Missions was supposed to be the answer to my tattered soul. That didn't happen. The stress from student loan debt and poor financial decisions was taking it's toll on Colleen and I. Everything was quickly unraveling. Like I said earlier, there were glimpses of hope that I know God gave us to sustain us. We kept trying to move forward in missions and at every step of the way would hit some type of roadblock. It was straining us more than we let on, especially me since I was the husband and I'm suppose to lead my family. During this time we were trying to put on smiling faces and be at the same church I served. I guess I was trying to prove to myself that my toughest critics hadn't gotten the best of me, but in reality they had. That place was not the same place for me and after 10 years I had to make a hard decision for my family. We decided to move on.

I know during this whole period I had this feeling that people were the problem. That those critics had ruined me. I guess to a degree that was true. But the realization came and was even harder to take. After, making the decision to move on, we also made the decision to put missions on hold. This was not an easy decision, but one that was not unknown to me. I had known deep down for months that it was the right choice, but couldn't bring myself to it. I felt that it would reopen old wounds that had begun to heal somewhat. We made our decision, but didn't reveal it for several more months. During this transition we found Pathway Church. This was the breath of fresh air we needed, that I needed. Over the following months God began to heal my heart and do a work in me. We had found our new church home.

 During that whole time I harbored bitterness, I still do to some extent. It has been hard to let some things go, but I'm relying on God to take those things from me in time. The main lesson I learned from this had nothing to do with anyone else. It had everything to do with me. My lack of faith, my lack of passion, my lack of desire to do things God's way. You may think I'm being a little hard on myself and that's fine. It's my sin though. I cannot and will not make excuses for it. I have only one choice and that's to meet it head on and defeat it. It may seem odd for me to be pouring this out at this point, but it is a healing process for my soul. This is my story that is still being written.

The past 3 years have shaped and molded me. I would like to think into a more seasoned follower of Jesus. It has strengthened my marriage and desire to be a better husband and father. It has reinvigorated my joy and desire to serve youth unashamedly without all the pomp and circumstance and instead with the truth of the Gospel, and more than anything it has brought me to a place where I have a renewed passion for my Father God, my King Jesus and Mediator Holy Spirit! No matter what life throws at me, no matter what church politics bring, no matter who doesn't believe in what I'm doing I will serve Him without reservation because He always believes in me and stands for truth and truth has to be what I'm all about!

The Greater Issue

I have been reflecting on whether or not to say anything regarding same-sex marriage. I am not one to debate in the virtual world as it lacks the personal connection and knowledge of tone and demeanor. But several things I have seen come out of this have been unsettling to me, so I felt I needed to state my feelings.

First and foremost, I believe and serve the One true God, the God of the Bible, the Creator of the world. He is Sovereign over all and all are subject to Him. He is loving, merciful, forgiving and just. With that being said, my viewpoints are based on Him and Him alone. Not my opinion or feelings. Definitely not based on how somehow feels or their opinions. My faith in the God who sent His Son Jesus to die for my sins and the worlds sins trumps any man made issue and its "opinions". With that said, I believe in marriage. I believe in marriage between a man and woman as God, the one I believe in, ordained it to be.

Now whether or not you believe in God really doesn't matter because He exists regardless of your ignorance. I myself was ignorant to His existance at one point too. So, since God ordained marriage, the question I have to ask is, "when did marriage become a legal right given by the government?" At that question, I will have to say I believe that one of the greatest schemes satan has moved us to believe is that marriage is not a God issue and is instead one of legality enforceable by the government. Marriage is God's baby, folks! If you think about it it's a brilliant scheme, though. Look at what is happening because of it. Constant debates going, people fighting with one another, Christians abandoning God's direction for the opinion of the masses so people can be happy and Christians making complete fools of themselves by protesting and slandering others. Marriage is not supposed to be a legal matter. Marriage is supposed to be the joining together and commitment of two people, male and female, to each other before a Holy God. So, lets be clear, my viewpoints from this one are based on God's ordination of what marriage is.

Just a quick note here. I saw this several times and I want to rebuke it right now. Jesus would not ever be ok with same sex marriage. Does Jesus love us? You bet he does, but He loves God the Father more and will obey Him always. Please do not misrepresent the person that Jesus is, because as much as God is just, so is Christ. That doesn't mean He loves any less, but it does mean He expects us to obey the Father as He does.

I also feel like people are taking the term judgement and misusing it a great deal. Now, I won't argue that there are many people out there on both sides of any issue that judge harshly. But I cannot sit back and say that as a believer in Christ and a person who has been commissioned to share the Word with others, that my job is not one to  cast judgement from time to time. In our society we have made judgement something that is negative and filled with hate. Well, I serve a just God. One who judges all with love as a catalyst. He judges because He cares, not because He hates everyone. So, to sit back and say, "well you don't support same-sex marriage, so you hate them and you are so judgemental" is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. My judgement is based on love, because as I mentioned that marriage is from God and I believe that when you go against the plan of God, that is sin. I do not want anyone to sin, ever. I don't want to sin either. And I always expect to be called out when I do. It lets me know people care. It has nothing to do with negativity and malice as some seem to want to make it.

Since I brought it up, lets talk about love for a moment. Love is something that is very hard to understand because I believe that the Love of God(Agape) is near unfathomable. We have skewed it so much in our culture. I mean, my two year old says he loves cars and movies. We have to keep on point here. This debate has nothing to do with love. You can love who ever you want. That's not the point. The point is about marriage. I love a lot of things that doesn't mean I get to marry them and lets be honest, there are lots of things in life we don't get even though we want them. We have turned into a society of one that demands things just because we have a want. Just because you want something doesn't mean it's good for you. That includes marriage. By the way, that includes marriage for people who are not homosexual aswell.

One thing that is being said that really bothers me is that since I don't believe homosexuals can marry I hate them and I'm wrong. Well, I didn't know that in order to know someone or love someone I had to agree with everything you feel, think, believe...... Just like this article. You don't have to like or believe any of it. That doesn't mean I hate you or think we can't be friends. My personal beliefs aside, we need to stop thinking everyone has to have the same mindset on issues and if not they hate people. That's ludicrous! Furthermore, people must really think I hate people since I not only believe homosexuals shouldn't marry, I don't think they should date either! I also, don't believe that straight couples should live together or have sex before marriage. I must hate them too! I hope you see my point.

This issue is greater than the minimal issues of what we as people want. This issue is truly about God and our relationship to Him. As a true, born-again believer in Christ my obligation is to my God, not to man. It's definitely not to the feelings people have for one another, which is unfortunately what people have made this about. If you are reading this as a person that does not have faith in Jesus and feels I'm wrong, I challenge you to seek Him out and learn more. If you are reading this as a believer and feel I'm wrong, I challenge you to seek Him as well and put your own opinions aside and truly reflect upon what God would want from this.

This has always been about Him and our rejection of His rules when it conflicts with our desires. This is a small issue compared to the greater issue that is following God completely despite our wants. That's what we have to decide as a people. What is more important to us? The things of this world or the eternal things of God. I hope and pray that you choose wisely, because the choices we make now do resound in eternity.

A Life Worthy of a Legacy

Legacy.

Six letters that have an immense meaning.

I have been privileged to attend 2 memorial services and will attend another in a few days. You may think it odd that I use the word privileged to describe something like that, but God has spoken to me immensely during those times and I'm nearly positive He will reiterate it at the next service. These amazing people have lived lives worthy of a legacy.

The point I'm making is I believe God calls His people to live lives that speak to others, that make a difference, that reflect Himself. Anthing less of that, I have begun to believe is meaningless. It has been something that has haunted me recently as I have looked back at the last 28 years of my life and ask myself, "What have you accomplished in this life that will leave a lasting impact?"

Now, hear me right. This has nothing to do with status or a pat on the back. I truly want to be a person that makes a difference. That challenges others to be better than they are and to strive for excellence. Not because I am that, but because I serve a God that is. He wants us to strive to be the very best in life that we can be and to give it are all. Our time on this is earth is so short compared to the eternity that awaits us all, whether in Heaven or Hell.

What kind status do we hold with people? Family? Friends? Coworkers? Are we being people that God can use to further Himself and being to people what Christ was or are we just milking life and floating along until its time for us to die. One of my favorite sayings when it comes to our life and its very true is,"In the end our life is literally just a dash between two dates." Think about that. People dont remember what you intended to do with your life or what you thought. You are remembered for what you did.

As I reflect about the people that God called home these past few weeks, they were people that left a lasting legacy. Not because they were worried about what there legacy would be, but because they allowed God to reign within them. The natural reaction was to behave in such a way that there was no other answer than to have an amazing legacy.

My challenge to myself and to all believers- live a life worth of a legacy. Strive for excellence in everything you do, put others first, easily forgive, accept forgiveness and most importantly live by the teachings of Holy Scripture.

I pray for myself that God continues to do radical work in my life to change me and to allow me to positively affect those around me for Him and to be remembered one day as someone who gave it all for all for the Kingdom and loved others enough to sacrifice myself and take up my cross daily.

God has plan for each of our lives and at the end of it will it equal a lasting legacy that changes lives or will it just be a dash between two dates.

A Call To Excellence

It has been 130 days since I fully stepped away from ministry. It's hard to believe that after being in ministry for almost 10 years that in 130 days, I could blow it so much. I have always said that it is so easy to be a strong Christian when you are surrounded  by "Christian" things all the time(i.e. retreats, being at church, etc).  Well, for the past 130 days I have not been surrounded by such things and in this moment I praise God for that, because He has taught me more in this amount of time then the the whole time I've been a christian.

A little bit of back story for those who may not know what has transpired in the past year. Probably a little more than a year ago I felt the initial call from God to resign from FBC and move onto other things, but like more who get comfortable, I ignored that call and kept doing what I was doing. After that point, ministry wise things just never seemed to go right, in my mind at least. Struggling seemed to become my focus, because that was all I was doing. Relationships began to become tarnished and even though I felt and still do that my actions were in the right, I didnt handle things well.

Finally after months of this, in one single moment God got my attention and made me realize that change was needed and that it was time, after 9 years of serving at FBC, to move on. I announced my official resignation in the spring of last year, with an effective date of Oct. 2. I began applying to other churches and for months kept getting to the same place in the process with many churches, but nothing came of it. Finally, in the first weeks of August, I found myself on my knees in my office pleading with God for direction and that's when He spoke and I heard His call for our family to go into misions.

So, thats where we are now. Oct. 2 came and went. My pastoral ministry career, for the time being, came to end. I never in a million years thought that life after that point would be so difficult for me. I have struggled more during this time than ever before. I allowed myself to let my guard down. My mindset let me think that since I had dedicated so much of myself to ministry since I became a christian, that it was ok to "take a break." MISTAKE! Just for clarification, ministry isnt about working in a church or serving at church. Ministry is a lifestyle. One that I have owned for 9 years, but 130 days ago I forgot that. Well, luckily for me I serve a God that never leaves or forsakes His people. I have been reminded of my calling. My favorite passage comes from the book of Ephesians and it states:

 ¹ As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. ² Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. ³ Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. ⁴ There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; ⁵ one Lord, one faith, one baptism; ⁶ one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

I have been called to live a life worthy of my calling in Christ. And that is something not to take lightly. I am grateful that I am to repent of my sins and be allowed to continue serving him, but that isnt completely what this post is about.

Throughout this 130 day journey for me, I have reflected on my behavior and that behavior of others. Now if you want to take what I'm about to say as a judgement then so be it, but that's not it. It is completey based on accoutability. We are sinful people and we screw up all the time, but I have decided that poor circumstances, bad moods, long days, stressful times and an overall bad attitude is not excuse enough to behave outside the realm of complete Godliness. I get it some of us have endured really rough lives. But we are new creations in Christ, that are above are shortcomings. So, we stand is simple. That we call ourselves back to state of excellence in the name of Jesus. As believers we are better than the world or at least we should be.

No more excuses! It is time to prove what followers of Christ are all about. Stop gossiping, stop cursing, stop comparing yourself to others, stop idolizing things instead of God. We are to be unified and work together. It's time for us to step up to the plate and prove that. Forgive easily, ask for forgiveness when it is needed and always do the right thing.

I have not been a perfect person, nor will I ever be while on this earth, but I know that I must strive to be the man of God that God has called me to. So I'm taking the first step now. If you are reading this and I have done something to hurt you or that has been offensive to you, please message me. Let me know, because I wish to seek your forgiveness. I no longer want to be a stumbling block in your life. So, ahead of time I'm saying sorry, but please let me know. I have done a lot of stupid things and it's hard to remember all of them, sorry to say.

So, this is my call to excellence in Christ Jesus. Do with it what you want. Take it for what it is though. It is a serious plea to the followers of Christ to start acting like followers of Christ. The world needs Him and we are His messengers. We need to wake up and take that calling on our lives serious. You never know what God is going to throw in your direction, but we must be ready to succeed or fail and pick ourselves back up.

Tomorrow is day 131 and I'm ready to live it the way He would want me to!

Christians Unite

I have been praying alot lately about the topic of Christian unity. It's really something that should be so easy, but yet we make it so difficult. Christians tend to be highly critical, talk about one another behind each others backs, and never go directly to one another with an issue. That tends to cause trouble when we are to be united. Its almost as if we would rather be in conflict with eachother than to be working together towards the one goal we all share, that is Jesus Christ.

Not to get to far off on a tangent, but as a pastor, I see this all too often. My phrase lately has been, go talk to that person and work it out. It seems though as if we always have an excuse not to do that or each person in the situation would rather blame the other person completely. Just an FYI moment, but almost in every single situation, not one person is the problem! Christ never intended this for His Church. He made the ultimate sacrifice of love, mercy, compassion, and grace. Should we not do the same for eachother? Instead of placing blame, be broken for the issue, pursue God's path instead of your own, and go to that person broken.

You may think, " Well, they shouldnt get the satisfaction of me being "broken"' If thats what you are thinking, you dont get it! Being broken has nothing to do with the other person. To be broken about something means you are heartbroken that two believers are involved in this and that is not what your Savior wants that you are willing to go to them with out blame or argument and work it out.

Christian Unity is essential for the Church to operate correctly. When parts of the church are quarreling without care, dont expect for Him to honor that. Think of it like an infection in the body. When an infection takes place the body doesnt operate correctly. The same is true for the church. When we do not operate unified, we just wont work!

My prayer and challenge is for us as believers to realize the bigger picture. It's not about us! It's about bringing constant glory to our Savior. Stop making excuses and resolve any issues in your life today!

If you have read this and think I'm talking about you, then welcome to conviction, because I wrote this with no one in mind! My advice would be to follow God's leading and deal with that problem and I am praying for who ever reads this!

New Beginnings

It has been some time since I have blogged about anything. It actually has been about 3 years, but I have been feeling God leading me to begin blogging again. My intent is definitely to share the truths of God and to glorify Him with my posts. I hope you enjoy what God has been blessing me with and it can be an encouragement to you and let me know your thoughts on my posts!